Sent spinning off into a vastness that has no familiarity.
I feel so much sadness.
So much Mummy guilt.
How could I not have known?
How could I not see it?
But I need to let go. If I have learned anything from the Abundant Mama course it is to let go.
Let go of this deep sadness.
Let go of the Mummy guilt.
I can’t be the Mama I need to be carrying this burden.
I can’t be fully present for my son harboring this sadness and guilt.
Let go of this sadness. It’s not about me. It’s about him. It’s about his sadness. About his deep hurt.
Let go of my guilt. He knows. He can see it in my eyes. He has suffered enough.
Let go of these things, they don’t make you strong and Mama you’re going to need to be strong.
So, in letting go I would like to share the song he wrote. Sung by him and accompanied by his friend Justin on guitar. Their band is called Send Way Circus and they have a Facebook page.
Click on the picture to watch the boys perform Aidan’s song.
And in letting go, may I find the strength to understand and may I find the words that will help him to be strong.
Psychological bullying, the unseen, unheard, underhanded nastiness of bullying.
The physical bully can be seen, the wounds can be evidenced on their victim, but the bully that wounds with unheard words, the wounds that are unseen, the hurt is so deep.
And impossible to bring justice to their victim, so unrestrained the bullying continues, for years.
Whispers in the halls, shunned, left out, or worse, worked up until they snap and guess who gets the blame?
The victim made to feel they are in fact attention seeking, making it up, at fault.
If only I had known back then. He was only 9 years old.
If only I had recognised the signs for what they really were. You trust that the school has it right.
If only… Never again.