Somewhere between changing a million nappies and chasing down 3 toddlers I lost it.
My direction I mean.
I did ‘lose it’ too, but that is another tale to tell.
I kind of knew I had lost direction sometime ago, but I was so busy putting one foot in front of the other I didn’t have time to think about it.
Now, at last, I have some time.
But it comes with a price.
See, for three years I have been putting things to the side.
At first that was VERY difficult to do.
I was so used to seeing things through to their entirety. Ticking off a to do list successfully everyday. Being able to really tuck into an issue, find materials and resources to tackle it and see that issue improve. I was used to feeling like everyday I had achieved something. Possibly a Type A personality?
In the past three years I have not been able to reconcile with myself the inability to ‘get things done’ around the home, considering this is where I spend the majority of my time!
I got really good at creating family rhythms. But I had to stop writing to do lists.
I got good at dealing with day-to-day necessities. But I forgot to dream.
I got good at knowing what needed done next, putting one foot in front of the other. But I stopped looking forward to the future.
And so, I lost my direction.
But as the children have grown older, (Strawberry and Ooffa are now 3 and 3 months; Chook is 4 and 8 months) our family rhythm has changed. The day-to-day necessities take up less time and there are bigger gaps between footsteps. There is time to dream. Time to look at those bigger projects. And…
All those to do’s put off for three years come rushing to the fore, “Pick me, pick me, pick me'” they holler!
And where is the once capable, able to leap tall buildings in a single bound, woman?
No where to be seen.
I thought she would be waiting in the background ready to pick up from where we left off. But she’s not there…and I don’t think she’s coming back.
Instead there’s something new in her place.
She’s a mum of four kids. She’s met her limits and has learnt patience. She’s flexible and beginning to accept change. She’s learnt a LOT of lessons. She’s made a LOT of mistakes. She likes to live it slow and enjoys taking her time.
They’re only little once and the time is going so fast!